


Break the Cycle

by Anonymous



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Addiction, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Gen, References to Depression, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-14 17:49:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18952975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Sometimes he cursed his father and sometimes he cursed God.His father for giving him the pills and God for letting him be born.





	Break the Cycle

**Author's Note:**

> A blurb about addiction based loosely on Robert Downey Jr.'s experience was substance abuse.

He was underwater. His lungs were screaming in pain, his hands shaking violently, clenched around the cold porcelain tub. He needed to breathe. He needed to fill his chest back up with life-giving air and open his eyes again. All he could do was scream however, the bubbles rushing out of his mouth in huge gusts as he expelled all that he was into the lukewarm bathwater around him. He wanted to wake up from the nightmare that was his life.

He wondered when it had gotten this bad. He wondered when it had gone from fun to necessity, but everything was so clouded that he couldn’t even remember. His hands shook as he shoveled the pills down his throat. He felt so much worse after he swallowed them, his entire body convulsing as he pressed himself into a ball on his bedroom floor. He wanted to get them out, but the fingers he shoved down his throat wouldn’t bring it back up. He had to ride it out, and the next day he did the same thing. He didn’t know why.

Sometimes he cursed his father and sometimes he cursed God. His father for giving him the pills and God for letting him be born. He had only been 6 years old. He didn’t know what he was doing, but his father was miserable so he had to be too. By the time he was 8 pills were nothing more than candy and he drank beer like milk. The worst part is that it was never enough. He always needed more. Something to make him feel worse. Something to stop the shakes. Something to stop his mind from running wild. Something that made his heart beat so fast that he wondered if it would just stop. The older he got the more he wished that it would, but it never did.

He was on the run. He couldn’t let anyone see what he had actually become. He was pathetic, an asshole, a real piece of shit and everyone's offers for help made it all the worse. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve to be cared for. They thought he could quit it, but he didn’t know what he was without it. He couldn’t remember what he was without the demon in his chest that always cries for more. He was just the demon now, the physical embodiment of sin. All he could do was drag others down, but they wouldn’t get rid of him. He didn't know why. He wished they would. If they wouldn’t leave him. He would leave them.

Addiction is a selfish disease. It produces narcissism and cynicism and there is no cure. You can tame the beast, but it is always locked inside the cage only sealed away by thin bars that become increasingly brittle with age.

He was sitting on the edge of something. Something large that lead to nothing but plummeting darkness. Maybe it would be better. Maybe it would be worse. Anything to break the cycle.

**Author's Note:**

> As someone who has experienced addiction I felt compelled to delve into this. Many people don't understand addiction and how it can consume your life. If you are experiencing addiction currently I strongly urge you to seek help. No matter how impossible it seems there is a way to overcome this.


End file.
